Magical Tipsy Toes

It was around 7.30am. She was looking out of the window watching the sun rise. She didn’t hear what was going on around her. This time, it really didn’t matter. In fact nothing else did. She was in her own thoughts. Conversations of sorts, she thought to herself. A wave of relief washed over her and yet, a little hesitant. But this morning something was different. Understanding. Acceptance.

Promise it’ll be ok. I promise.

And that was all she needed to know. That was enough.

How is it that no matter what you do these bastard creatures will never ever die. Cockroaches. These fucking fucked up creatures are just not right. They are not normal. They live thru everything. Tsunami, earthquakes…even atomic bombs. These stupid buggers are still alive. Is it because they live so well underground that when these bombs explode, they are thrown into the air and they pull out their emegency parachute back packs?? What the hell is going on?

I walked LMM to the stair case near my place cause she wanted to head home. So I thought, why not…just walk her out. And as I walked back to my place, something whizzed across my face. I thought..it’s alright Kel..you’re good. Just get in your house…everything will be fine…Unfortunately, my new neighbours decided that instead of throwing their rubbish in the rubbish bins that are bloody provided to us by the board people who provide rubbish bins so our estate looks nice and clean. Instead, they had all their stupid dirty crap all over the floor. And the fucking roaches were all of it.

Ok…this is scene. Course you just need to see what I mean. I drew it out. Now, my drawing isn’t spiffy. I mean like seriously. Art teached didn’t even want me in her class…so just bear with me.

See the dots in light pink!!! There were a whole load of them. Bastard stupid looking roaches. Come on man…this is just not right. So i just kept pacing to and fro…deciding what I should do. I couldn’t call Dubai for help, handphone was in the house…so I walked around my estate..debating what I should do. Praying that maybe those gross disgusting creatures would have walked/flew/crawled(i don’t really care) away…

As I walked back to my place…I asked myself again.. “Is it safe?”. Gut feeling told me it wasn’t. But damnit…I needed to pee badly already.

Then I asked myself….”Now…what would Oprah do Kel?”…and it came to me like a wet sock in a pocket. I would have to face my fears. Face my fears…look at each one of them and tell myself, “I’m ok…I’m not afraid anymore. I am strong person. So I spit on you” I was going to walk calmly, open my house gate and get inside like any normal person would do in this situation. And I did exactly that.

Bullshit! Who am I kidding? I fucking ran in after 5 mins of debating and dancing on the road trying to hold my piss in..and I bloody ran like a crazed lunatic…screaming, with hands up in the waving “Oh dear!! Oh balls!!! Bastard bastard. I’m dead. Kill me. Don’t come near you fuckers. I will kill you. I swear…Mum!!! Please help”

Oh well…I made it to the house safely in hysterics. Calmed down after a good long shower to ease the bones that were tensed up…..One of these days, these asshole creatures will get what they deserve…till then, I’m carrying around a mini spray of Baygone wherever I go!! Oprah may not think I’m brave…but she’ll say I’m smart. Right??