Magical Tipsy Toes

I’m sitting across her, watching her eat her pancakes. Cutting them into neat triangles, dipping them into the maple syrup as she talked about her day. I like listening to her. I smile to myself and I realize just how much she means to me, still. She looks different. At peace with herself. Whenever she smiles, her eyes smile too. Her laughter’s still the same…but yet there was something different about her.

I miss you. A little.

All the stories just start rolling out and I remember how I used to tell her almost every single thing. Even if it was something stupid, I felt the need to tell her. I knew why I stopped doing that. But somehow, I had forgotten when I met her.

You could say, a little too much.

She still makes me laugh. She still makes my head strangely calm. We spoke about the past. About our recent travels. The funnies that was constant in out lives. The new job she just got. The job that I left. The people in her life. The people in mine.

A little too often.

Remembering the plans we made. We thought they were unbreakable. Remembering how we thought we needed to keep searching…Remembering the mistakes we knew we were making. The chances we were waiting for. Just to move where we needed to move.

And a little more.

As we sat down and down and watched the world go by, laughing, enjoying the silence and just being like how it used be….she looked at me. And for that spilt second I thought she saw right through me. That’s when she told me.

Each day.

The date had been set. The venue booked. That’s when I realized why she looked different. She had a secret. A secret that made her glow and grin like a little girl. Like the girl I met a long time ago.

And so I drank my cup of coffee as she walked away, hand in hand. Laughing as she turned around, waving goodbye and giving one of her winks. “Soon…we’ll meet soon!” she called out. And for a while, I held on to that promise. Just for a little while, before letting it go.

Sometimes if you’re lucky, someone comes into your life who’ll take a place in your heart that no one else can fill. Sometimes if you’re lucky, you get to experience happiness, hurt and the feeling of forever. Sometimes if you’re lucky, you’ll see that there will be a time in your life where you lose control of the mind and heart….and love seeps in and takes over.

Sometimes if you’re lucky, you’ll know its enough.

I’m standing at the crossroads. It’s getting crowded every minute. There are so many people around me. I can hear their thoughts. Some that compels me to make it better. Some that makes me want to ignore. It gets louder by the minute. I try to think of Him. I try to talk to Him. I miss having my nightly conversations with Him. I try to zone all the thoughts out. I’m angry. Angry that I can’t fix most things. I’m angry that I see you get hurt time after time. I’m angry that I feel certain things. I’m angry that I’ve actually fallen and given up wholly without any hesitation.

I’m standing at the crossroads. People are surrounding me. Their voices get louder. I’m searching for His face. I start to cry because I know I’ve been selfish. I’ve been hurtful. I shouldn’t hate coming home. I shouldn’t hate them. I’m angry with myself for not being what you needed me to be. I’m not angry with Him. I’m angry with myself. I’m scared that if He knew what went on in my head and my heart, He would be angry and think I’m not good enough. That’s why I haven’t seen Him in a couple of months.

I’m standing in the middle of the crowd. I’m trying to pay attention. But Your words just disappear. Your face is still unclear. I’m lost. I want to come apart. I want to hide. But I can’t move anywhere. So I stand there and wait. I’m not sure what I’m waiting for. But I wait.

How silly of me to forget. All this time, all this while…right in front of me. I just didn’t see it that way.

You know how they say “to destroy your enemy, you need to know your enemy” or something like that. Ok, so I have no idea if there is such a saying. But it makes sense…I mean, you need to know your enemies before you plan and strategize before you execute the plan to whack the living daylights outta of your enemy.

I am a little edgy and feeling foolish about something that happened this morning. See, I was in a bus on the way to work right, I was minding my own business, falling asleep at window seat while the woman beside read her book. A strange and uneasy feeling came over me. I tried to ignore it but I just knew that something wasn’t right.

Five minutes later, my eyes cracked upon and from the corner of my eye, I noticed feelers of sorts. I panicked. I FUCKING PANICKED. It was the bastard creature from hell!!!

I started trembling. Seriously, trembling and I shouted…. “OH MY GOOD GAD!!!!” and I tried squirming out of my seat. The lady beside me, reading her damn book jumped out of her seat and stared at me angrily. I was still trying to push my way out of the seat…but she was still fucking sitting there.

So I whispered… “Cockroach la…please…please move..please”

Instead of understanding and moving quickly so I could get the fuck outta the seat…she looked at me and said.. “Huh??”

Ok, I get how by this time, people on the bus might think I was mad. I get that. But really, I didn’t give two shits.

So I shouted “CAN YOU JUST MOVE…PLEASE LA!! PLEASE!! JUST MOVE DAMNIT!!!”

That’s when she realized I was serious and when saw the bastard creature fluttering its damn wings…so she screamed and got up and I bloody scrambled out of the seat…Then the bus driver is also shouting “ehh..Tangkap la!!” (Tangkap (malay) = catch) what the fuck?? I was thisclose to shouting back “You go fucking tangkap the shit yourself!!”

So there I stood at the back of the bus trying to catch my breath…watching the bastard shit like a hawk…and that’s when I saw it attempting to fly…That was when I went absolutely nuts. Loco. Bloody Berserk.

“Fuck this shit!!! I’m getting outta here!” I shouted.

And I did…. I went down the very next bus stop.

Which brings me back to the point of this entry…I decided to find more facts about this bastard species….and oh bloody hell! I’m screwed. Really. The only way to get rid of this problem is for me to move to Antarctica.

Facts about cucaracha aka crazy bug that drives Sharkbait nuts

1)There are many types of cockroaches. Although only a dozen
species are pest to humans

Is it?? Is it really??? A fucking dozen
species!! They will take over the damn world one day!!

2) Cockroaches are good runners. They are one of the fastest
of all insects.

You have got to be shitting me!!

3) Cockroaches will eat anything–left-over human food, wood,
leather, cigarette butts, coffee grinds, soap, feces, fabric,
shoes, paint, the glue on the back of wallpaper, human hair,
fingernails

HUMAN HAIR??!!! Cigarette butts???!!! Kill me now please.

4) Cockroaches can hold their breath for 40 minutes.

Now you know why I keep spraying the entire can of bygone!!!

5) Roaches use their feelers, or antennae, as noses. Their sense
of smell is so great; they recognize family and friends by their
distinctive odors.

Oh how nice…lovely isn’t it. You
pieces of shit. I will kill all your family members…all of them, I
will squash them…

6) The brown-banded cockroach is also known as the TV
cockroach. It lives in the back of TV sets and other
appliances where it is warm. It feeds on the glue holding the
set together, the insulation, and other TV parts.

Damn it to hell…can you guys believe
this!! TV cockroach….they will take over the world one day.
Really.

This is it….these bastard creatures will take over the world..they will eat hair and cigarette butts and then they will evolve into mutant roaches, just like how Godzilla evolved from a fricking lizard. Mutant roaches. I need to go prepare for the war now.