Magical Tipsy Toes

I was chilling at her place. I don’t know why JB and I were there actually. But we were sitting around talking and walking tv when a call came for her. She ran upstairs to her bedroom without a word. We figured it was probably her boyfriend…so we left it. She came down after a while, her eyes red and swollen. She repeatedly brushed off our concerns and said she was alright….just tired. But something was different about the way she said…like she was resigned and lost. We left it though…and I went on home.

She called me the next day. Said she just wanted to talk. I was a little worried, because we were never that close as kids. Ok, so maybe I irritated her sometimes…or I was too loud and she was the prim and proper girl. So I admit, the more she said she hated bananas, the more I wanted to eat the fruit and shove my hand in her face. Come on… I was only 7 and she was 9…we were kidlets. I didn’t understand why she hated bananas… I still don’t till today actually.

But that night when called me…she sounded so sad. She didn’t really tell me what was going on…she just wanted to talk about other things. And so we spoke for a bit…. Besides JB and LMM, she’s the other pretty cousin that I have. The one who is just so damn smart…who could score A’s…who could go out and come home late… Well, she had almost everything going for her. Sometimes, I secretly wanted to be her.

A week later she called again…this time she was sobbing. She said she was on her way over to my place….and that a boy she had loved had broken her heart. And so began our cousinship if there is such a thing….we became close. She’ll call me to so we can plan strategies…and I’ll call her when I didn’t understand Economics. I liked how she saw certain things….most of the time we saw eye to eye on stuff…and when we didn’t, we respected each other opinions. We would laugh at the most silliest things…and when she starts laughing, I start and we don’t stop till one of us needs to pee real badly.

We spoke almost everyday….it almost became normal to call her during my lunch break and ask her questions about school. And she would call me to see if the strategies I had planned are still in place. I think she was one of the first few who met all of my friends. And I knew all that she kept in her head and heart. We both kinda shared the same rulebook for certain things. And it us grow a lot closer.

Of course, we had our differences….and big time fights. I’m hot tempered and she’s rash. We almost went about 2 months not talking to each other. Pride can be such a bitch. But usually…we find our way back to each other. Either she steps forward..or I do. And almost instantly, we forget the whole thing and we’re back laughing at each other.

My darling cousin Gail (IP)

I still remember how you set your own Shoe Shop at Atah’s house, the staircase and laid all the shoes on the stairs. And you made me pretend I was customer interested in buying heels. I liked meeting you in school and you ruffling my hair while I introduced you to my friends as my older cousin. How we would watch Pretty Woman over and over again and we would discuss the movie at length. Or your 21st surprise birthday…and my first time at Zouk with you. Remember the funnies at Chinese Garden during the Lantern Festival? That was hilarious. And when Atah passed away….and we were at the florist buying the wreaths..and you crumbled and started sobbing so bad. How when Tata passed away….and the woman mixed up the flowers and cheated our money….and I went sooo loco while shouting at lady, you stopped the car and gave me a hug and I broke down….and 10 mins later…we started laughing cause we looked like our husbands had ran away from home. How you would actually fight with me for the last TWO pieces of the chicken….when you know I’m actually gonna give it you. I just like see you getting all angsty over chicken.

So my little behti, even though you drive me nuts sometimes and I know I irritate the shit outta of you, I just wanted you to know that I love you too. Very much.

A mission. A plan. A get-away. High security. One chance. The end.

We both had a plan. She was the smart one. The one with a unique kind of brain cells that make you want to just design a pattern out the matter. I was just the simple one who liked to eat pie. All we needed was to follow the plan and we would have been on that plane on the way to New York with her family and best buds.

The plan. it seemed so damn simple at that time. If it wasn’t for that stupid bank manager…..Now she’s in jail. And I need to get her out. Badly. I’m not invisible. I don’t have special powers. The only way is for me to use my mind. So I planned it all by myself. (*insert “All by myself” by Celine Dion) I somehow knew my way around that place. I knew how I was going to get her out. I don’t know how I knew all this important information, but I did. Afraid I might forgot all the information; I decided I needed to make special socks. Socks with pockets. Secret pockets that nobody knew…..

Time was running out. I needed to get on with my plan. “Shop around the Corner” was my target. I shot Apu, the owner. The poor bastard. I honestly just wanted to pretend to shoot him…or shoot the cabinet behind him. Instead I shot his ear off. I hung around for a while. Waited for the police to get to me…..strange though, they handcuffed me with furry handcuffs instead of the cool metal ones.

Me: “Wow..furry ones huh. Nice”

Policeman: “We aim to please”

I know CFB was in the high security area. I need to get to her. As soon as possible. My secret codes are in my socks with pockets. I’m all good. The jail is strange. Then again, it’s my first time in a jail area thing facility. It’s a co-ed jail though. I’m a little amused. I try to make friends…..Making friends in jail is tough. So I keep to myself for a while…buying my time, thinking my plan thru. All I know was I needed to get past obstacles and I can rescue CFB and all will be good. I met my friends in there. My mafia brothers. They were all huge. We discussed my plans….i showed them my layout of the jail, they were pretty amazed.

Big Teddy(man who wore small t-shirt) exclaimed: “I know you!! You built this shit hole didn’t ya”

Me(who had absolutely no idea what he was talking about) replied in a cool voice: “Yeah…Brick by brick man…brick by brick”

Sugee Cake was my right hand man…..I called him Cakes. I really don’t know why…but Cakes seemed to fit him. And so my plans to rescue CFB was already forming. We had screws, torch lights, bag packs… The only thing I needed to do now was to head down to the Luminous Room. Little did I know…that was where I would face my worst fear.

I met WAP, ColoufulShoes, Kelvin, Paul, Jason, Gail…even my bosses and colleagues.….everybody I knew was in the jail with me. The girls wore pink jumpers and the men wore blue. ColoufulShoes was upset for some reason. So I killed the manjan bitch with my pocket knife.

ME: “WAP!! What you doin here man”

WAP: “This is my dream Sharkbait….my dream…look at all the men here.”

I spoke to WAP at length…and I gave him the low down on the break out. He knew that with Sugee Cake’s help….we could escape.

Me: “You met Cakes??”

WAP: “Erm..Kel…I don’t think we should call him Cakes. It’s not nice. Let’s call him Suge for short. Yes, Suge is just right”

Just an hour before lock down, I made my way to the Luminous Room. It was filled with all kinds of weird spirits. I had to fight Wendigo, the stupid Hook Man…there were bugs all over….and of all the ghosts in the world…Bloody Mary made an appearance. But it was all good. My socks with the pockets had all the materials I needed. I killed them all. My escape route to get CFB was all clear. But see…I had to rush back before lock down…in case the guards noticed I was gone.

I ran….I ran so much…..the plane was going arrive soon. I needed to find CFB quickly…so I ran….when she saw me, she got a shock….I explained everything to her

ME: “Cakes….Sugee Cake will help us babe…it’s all good baby…we’ll get out of here real quick?

CFB: “ Cakes?? Sugee Cake??

ME: “WAP calls him Suge though….”

CFB: “My dad makes wonderful Sugee Cake”

ME: “OOOoooo yeah……”

She asked if WAP was coming with us…..I couldn’t answer because the “Prisoner has escaped” siren went off……we ran towards a huge field….all the inmates were there……they were helping us…….Cakes/Suge helped us…..he fought all the guards off. We saw the plane from the distance…..the pilot threw a rope down…we screamed..calling out for WAP to come with us…

CFB & ME: “Come on!!!!!!!!! Run!!!!!!!!!! We gotta go!!!!!!!!”

WAP: “Go babies…..(he’s surrounded by guys by the way) I’m home…..look at them (pointing to the guys) I’m home…I love it…you go to New York. Write me!!!!”

CFB: “Babe, we can’t climb. I can’t climb, I’m tired.”

ME: “But you didn’t do anything……ok…hold my legs..i’ll get them to pull us up”

CFB: “You could have at least wore matching socks Kel!!”

Shots were fired everywhere…..bullets whizzing pass my ears….I was scared. My heart in my throat…what if I died and then CFB falls!! But those buggers in the plane were strong…..we got pulled up in time….and lo and behold….my beautiful strong pilots were LMM and PP…..

The plane was filled with CFB’s family and my cousins… It was a normal SQ plane…..there were stewardess swerving lunch when we climbed our way in. Unfortunately…..LMM and PP seemed distracted. They were still looking down at the prison….

LMM: “You guys want to get out there….why??!!!!

PP: “Yeah!! Look at all the hot boys!!!!!!!”

LMM: “Oh my gad!!!!!! Marc is there!!!!!!!!!!! I’m getting outta here….”

PP: “CFB you take over….I’m getting some”

CFB & ME: !!!!!!!!

We became pilots….we flew the plane to Newark Airport…as we were flying off….. Suge/Cakes, my big Hawaiian mafia looking boy…yelled… “I’ll look after WAP”

I really really should stop watching TV before I sleep. Never ever drink half a bottle of syrup with cold tablets. Even in my dreams, I want to be some sort of stealthy agent….but I woke up laughing though…