Magical Tipsy Toes

It’s a long journey. A journey filled with many things. A journey of sorts, I’d say. The kind that feeds the need to search, but what is the search for actually? Nobody really knows. A journey….The kind that has laughter and giggles and then anger and sadness. A journey that keeps the heart full one moment and in the next moment, empty. It is here….wandering minds wonder till they get lost and unspoken they will remain.

And it starts out worried and scared. Learning as the journey was traveled. At times risks needed to be taken and other times when a wall needed to be built. Beauty surrounds the journey…some so beautiful, it awakens something in you and you feel alive….some so sad….it shatters your bones and you wonder why.

Soon, the journey becomes mundane….the less risks you take…the higher and thicker the wall you build. Previous bruises and hurts take their shape on your skin and you trace the scars with your fingertips and remember. You remember not with hatred or anger…but with a slight smile of foolishness and a tinge of regret. Weariness steps in and cynical take over….you know you’re done falling hard and fast.

A journey takes you places. Soon you understand why things happen the way they did. You let go of the regret. And you realize, the journey didn’t teach you to love. Instead, it taught you how to give.

A journey takes you places. Along the way, you stumble and you crumble. Sometimes you don’t want to get up or be what everybody wants you to be….but that’s when you realize you can give what is needed when you feel you have nothing to give.

For a long while I thought I had nothing left. I really did. But every time we go places, I realize there’s always a little bit more of me to give.

Some things may not be within my control….I’m learning not care when that happens.

The days have crashed into each other like a washing machine full of thick carpets. Two or three hours a day maybe not be what the doctors prescribed but it’ll do for now. Random thoughts come and go and then come back and stay. The pocket full of masks has run out except for one. I think for now, I’ll just use it till it wears out.

“Forgiveness is about letting go babe….maybe it’s time you do what’s expected of you”

I know. I have. I did. I’m ok. Question is, are you?”

“I need your help. You’re not supposed to, but I need your help”

Not suppose to eh?? Ahh…we’re back at that again. I like all these not suppose things. Very secretive.

“You fucked up and yet…”

Whoooa…..I fucked up? Didn’t realize you’re quite spiffy with that knife. It’s alright; aim a little closer to left. My back hurts more there.

“I’m tired of not being enough…”

Such is life. Life is such. So…..take a number and join the queue. It’s gonna be a long wait.

“A little here and there…..”

“If only…..maybe we should”

“If I asked you to make that choice now…would you?”

Choices are like green eggs and ham….they are right in front of you but you’re not sure if you should touch or eat them but they sure as hell look tasty. Either way, you can have them up in the sky or down in the pie.

You know my answer. You’ve known it all along. Don’t ask what you don’t want to hear babe.

WAP: “So Kel…I’m been having dreams too. I’ve been meeting Ryan in my dreams.’

Sharkbait: “Ryan? Who is Ryan? Is it you like new boy?”

WAP: “Well, he’s sorta new. I’ve been dreaming of Ryan Seacrest.”

Sharkbait: “What? Sorry…who??”

WAP: “Yeah…I know..Ryan Seacrest. I’ve been dreaming of him….You know how his nose bridge is a bit crooked. Well, it’s alright. I like that actually”

Sharkbait starts cracking up at this point of the conversation.

WAP: “What Kel??! He’s nice ok….He makes me laugh. (Insert WAP dreamy sigh) He makes me smile. I’m having a dream relationship Kel!!!”

Sharkbait: “Wow! So how long has this been going on?”

WAP: “For a while…ok maybe just a couple of days.”

Sharkbait: “So what is he like? What do you talk to him about?”

WAP: “We talk about everything…his work, his childhood, his life…I stroke the bridge of his nose while we talk. I love that his nose is smooth. I think of him and my heart does something!”

Sharkbait: “Wow!!! It must be true love ah Mike”

WAP: “KELLY!! Don’t laugh. You know when I’m awake, I think about him and I know I’m going to see him again. And that makes me happy”

Aiya Mike, you’re a nut la. I laughed so much I almost pissed in my pants.