Magical Tipsy Toes

I realise that to find a clean toilet is quite feat at seafood restaurants. It’s not dirty or anything, it just smells of fish or crabs and just a whiff of it makes my bladder cringe and my piss shoots right back up. Now it would be ok if my piss doesn’t make an appearance while I’m driving….but as arse luck would have it…when you gotta go, you just gotta go.

A recent “i need to piss badly” episode of toilet finding along North Bridge road. I was out by myself one silly evening. I didn’t have a clue where I was and quite honestly it was one of those days that being lost was one of the best things. Or, so I bloody thought.

What in the blazes was I suppose to do, when I needed to pee so fricking bad and there was no toilet in sight. I would have peed behind some sorta bushes of such…but unfortunately, the area was just packed with people…and I wasn’t ready to bare my ass just for an urgent, hold my vagina to controled piss.

So a pee-dancing I went…..the kind where your legs are all over the place, at the rate my legs were crossing and uncrossing, I’d have probably given Michael Flatley a run for his money! I had to stop myself several times along the way cause my bladder started to hurt and my legs were getting really wobbly.

About forty five minutes later, I was resigned to the fact, that I was going to just wet myself. I didn’t care anymore. I’d just piss my pants and pretend that nothing happen. I would carry my piss shame silently and openly.

But luck was smiling down at me. A gas station further down the road. I don’t think I’ve ever walked that fast in my life. I almost broke into a run. I think the cashier was slightly weary of me when I dashed in….and rightfully so…I mean, the pee-dance isn’t exactly an elegant ballet piece. It’s the HURRYUPMOVEOHDEARGADHELPME kind of movement with the legs…and I had to smile too because I thought that would seem all is ok…but thinking back, the poor woman at the station must have fricking thought I was nuts.

But I reached nirvana, squatting nirvana….with ease due to the piss.

Maybe I don’t drink so much water when I go out by myself. I always seem to get into trouble.