Magical Tipsy Toes

I saw that look that one day. Out of the blue, that one day, I realised what your eyes hid.

I wanted to feel….for a moment that maybe, just maybe I could have that for a while. So I could pretend it was mine to keep.

The words didn’t want to come out the way I would have wanted them to. I had a paragraph written and then I had to stop. I had to walk it off. I had to walk off these thoughts. Each one of these thoughts crashed into each other. I stopped the music. I finished the coffee. I went outside and I sat down. Four in the morning, that’s when it happened.

Is it too late to tell you that the thoughts of the future and spending it with you seem so damn far?
Is it too late to tell you that the night spent with lying beside you, holding you still seem so new?
Is it too late to tell you that the stories we weaved are now just memories. Memories that seem be different on different sides.
Is it too late to tell you I want them back?
Is it too late to tell you that when you were close, it ached?
Is it too late to tell you that falling in love wasn’t planned but it happened?
Is it too late to tell you that being apart made the falling harder and deeper?
Is it too late to tell you believing was needed? That the need to want it more than anything made it all so damn simple.
Is it too late to tell you that days spent with you were the happiest ones?
Is it too late to tell you that ‘meant to be together’ was never forever?
Is it to late to tell you that the thoughts of losing you were on repeat mode?
Is it too late to tell you that you were the puzzle that fit perfectly?
Is it too late to tell you that the past is where time should be?
Is it too late to tell you that wanting it, craving it made drifting apart easier?
Is it too late to tell you that it’s the regret that makes it easier to pretend its normal?
Is it too late to tell you that once you let go, everything will be real, as it should be?

Just when you are ready to let go, the hold will no longer be.
That’s when you know you’ve truly loved.

It must have started out when you walked across the field. Or was it when you walked across the room. It could have been when you walked to the table to take orders. Or it might just be the day the table decided to act up. Or was it when you went out behind for a smoke. Trying on shoes across the room, supermarket aisles, long, just for fun walks. When did it all start?

It’s not the fear of not being to let go. It isn’t. It’s realising that you weren’t holding as tight.