Magical Tipsy Toes

I am in the strangest funk.

My head and my heart feels zoned out.

You are in my thoughts more than you should be.

I feel horribly sad….I don’t want to feel or do anything but stay in bed till it’s safe.

My fears every night grow more and more everyday. It’s become a worrying addicition. And I’m terrified that its has that kind of power to do exactly that.

Little things now make me cry and feel so sad and then very angry.

Maybe it’s a weekly virus.

Well…one can only hope.

Week 1:

Interviews – 3
Call back – 0
Wallet – $0
Bank account - $1.89

A week has passed by. I’m jobless. It feels nice to laze and just be….but just when I think it’ll be alright, I get a nice, icy wake up call and its back to this whole thing being sucky.

I’ve gone for about 3 interviews this week. Which is alright I guess. But honestly, back in school, they really should have told us that speaking mandarin or being one was a sure way to secure a job here.

Job interview 1 – Spiffy name but you know they do criminal stuff kind of company.

Interviewer: “So…tell me about yourself”

Me: (Iin my head I picture shooting myself)

Interviewer: “Have you ever worked outside sales kind before?”

Me: “Outdoor sales? No, ma’am…but I am not applying for a sales position”

Interviewer: “Oh, but we need sales today.”

Me: “Today?? I was told the position was for corporate communications and I applied online”

Interviewer: “Corporate communication?? We no got this thing”

Me: “Right….but someone, a Miss Kwong from your HR department called me to come down for an interview”

Interviewer: “Oh..she got fired this morning lor”

Me: “Thank you so much for your time”

Job Interview 2 – Awesome company and then

Interviewer: “Oh no….you not Chinese is it?? Because hor…we looks for Chinese here.”

Me: “Oh noo, I’m not….Wait…what country am I in? Is this Singapore or China??” (fucking fucks) You got my resume online, you read it and there is no Chinese mentioned in there. If you were looking for Chinese people, why did you call me down for an interview!!”

Interviewer: “Because hor…we looks for Chinese. We thought you Chinese? Nehmind, tell me about youself”

Me: “Erm…no it’s alright. Thank you very much.”

Job Interview 3 – Hmm…panties in a twist

Interviewer: “Hello. Tell me about yourself”

Kelly’s head while talking: (ohmygoodgadholdmenowshitonme he is fucking gorgeous)

Interviewer: “So, with your experience…how would you come up with a plan to market hamburgers?”

Kelly’s head while trying to talk normally and professionally: (Fuck…his eyes!! He’s gorgeous…his body must be nice. I like him. He’s pretty. Maybe I should, oh no..what the fuck did he ask me)

Me: “Sorry, I didn’t hear you”

Interviewer: *smiles* “With your experience…how would you come up with a plan to market hamburgers?”

Kelly’s head while attempting to say something really good: (be still my beating heart…..dude, I’ll sell all kinds of burgers with you by my side, I’m soooo not getting this damn job)

Interviewer: “Thank you. We’ll definitely get back to you next week and let you know.”

Me: “Thank you, sir.” (now what that meant was, I want to have your children, NOW)

Right…so the interviews were ok. Well, at least one of them was. It’s just weird not having a job or a plan. I should know what I want to do or be. But I don’t. And its really driving me nuts.

The folks are making me more confused than ever. A nurse or a police officer is the way to go, they say. But seriously…it just isn’t me.

I wish it was that easy. Maybe I should be an artist of sorts and paint for a living. Oh, who am I kidding? I got rejected in art class because I couldn’t draw a fricking apple with shadows.

Since Monday, I have been thinking about a shop. A shop with white picket fences. In this cottage looking shop, there is a guy who used to be a graphic designer and then he quit that job and decided his dream was to make coffee. And he is making coffee in the shop with white picket fences. In this shop, there is this girl who bakes and sings. Who bake amazing, heavenly, comforting food things. And then, there is me…who handles the other stuff, the stuff that don’t need baking or decorating….it’s a shop I own or co-own. Ahhh….dreams.

It’s Sunday now. I’ve been thinking of this shop for 7 days.

I really should stop day-dreaming and work on scoring a couple more interviews and maybe, just maybe secure a job.

Or maybe I should I just invest in some really strong yellow powder/paint and change my name.

I need to find a way to believe.

That maybe, someday….I’d get my chance to get rid of being lonely.