Magical Tipsy Toes

Hello Sharksy!
My Name is “Cow Pies”. The Secret Police told me that you, Chrysalis, AbbyNormal and Herb should read my message below, because I heard you were all going to have a cow tipping party with “hookie” and the “green fairy”. Until further notice, this is “Cow Pies” taking over. I hijacked your blog.

A mission. A plan. A get-away. High security. One chance. The end.

We both had a plan. She was the smart one. The one with a unique kind of brain cells that make you want to just design a pattern out the matter. I was just the simple one who liked to eat pie. All we needed was to follow the plan and we would have been on that plane on the way to New York with her family and best buds.

The plan. it seemed so damn simple at that time. If it wasn’t for that stupid bank manager…..Now she’s in jail. And I need to get her out. Badly. I’m not invisible. I don’t have special powers. The only way is for me to use my mind. So I planned it all by myself. (*insert “All by myself” by Celine Dion) I somehow knew my way around that place. I knew how I was going to get her out. I don’t know how I knew all this important information, but I did. Afraid I might forgot all the information; I decided I needed to make special socks. Socks with pockets. Secret pockets that nobody knew…..

Time was running out. I needed to get on with my plan. “Shop around the Corner” was my target. I shot Apu, the owner. The poor bastard. I honestly just wanted to pretend to shoot him…or shoot the cabinet behind him. Instead I shot his ear off. I hung around for a while. Waited for the police to get to me…..strange though, they handcuffed me with furry handcuffs instead of the cool metal ones.

Me: “Wow..furry ones huh. Nice”

Policeman: “We aim to please”

I know CFB was in the high security area. I need to get to her. As soon as possible. My secret codes are in my socks with pockets. I’m all good. The jail is strange. Then again, it’s my first time in a jail area thing facility. It’s a co-ed jail though. I’m a little amused. I try to make friends…..Making friends in jail is tough. So I keep to myself for a while…buying my time, thinking my plan thru. All I know was I needed to get past obstacles and I can rescue CFB and all will be good. I met my friends in there. My mafia brothers. They were all huge. We discussed my plans….i showed them my layout of the jail, they were pretty amazed.

Big Teddy(man who wore small t-shirt) exclaimed: “I know you!! You built this shit hole didn’t ya”

Me(who had absolutely no idea what he was talking about) replied in a cool voice: “Yeah…Brick by brick man…brick by brick”

Sugee Cake was my right hand man…..I called him Cakes. I really don’t know why…but Cakes seemed to fit him. And so my plans to rescue CFB was already forming. We had screws, torch lights, bag packs… The only thing I needed to do now was to head down to the Luminous Room. Little did I know…that was where I would face my worst fear.

I met WAP, ColoufulShoes, Kelvin, Paul, Jason, Gail…even my bosses and colleagues.….everybody I knew was in the jail with me. The girls wore pink jumpers and the men wore blue. ColoufulShoes was upset for some reason. So I killed the manjan bitch with my pocket knife.

ME: “WAP!! What you doin here man”

WAP: “This is my dream Sharkbait….my dream…look at all the men here.”

I spoke to WAP at length…and I gave him the low down on the break out. He knew that with Sugee Cake’s help….we could escape.

Me: “You met Cakes??”

WAP: “Erm..Kel…I don’t think we should call him Cakes. It’s not nice. Let’s call him Suge for short. Yes, Suge is just right”

Just an hour before lock down, I made my way to the Luminous Room. It was filled with all kinds of weird spirits. I had to fight Wendigo, the stupid Hook Man…there were bugs all over….and of all the ghosts in the world…Bloody Mary made an appearance. But it was all good. My socks with the pockets had all the materials I needed. I killed them all. My escape route to get CFB was all clear. But see…I had to rush back before lock down…in case the guards noticed I was gone.

I ran….I ran so much…..the plane was going arrive soon. I needed to find CFB quickly…so I ran….when she saw me, she got a shock….I explained everything to her

ME: “Cakes….Sugee Cake will help us babe…it’s all good baby…we’ll get out of here real quick?

CFB: “ Cakes?? Sugee Cake??

ME: “WAP calls him Suge though….”

CFB: “My dad makes wonderful Sugee Cake”

ME: “OOOoooo yeah……”

She asked if WAP was coming with us…..I couldn’t answer because the “Prisoner has escaped” siren went off……we ran towards a huge field….all the inmates were there……they were helping us…….Cakes/Suge helped us…..he fought all the guards off. We saw the plane from the distance…..the pilot threw a rope down…we screamed..calling out for WAP to come with us…

CFB & ME: “Come on!!!!!!!!! Run!!!!!!!!!! We gotta go!!!!!!!!”

WAP: “Go babies…..(he’s surrounded by guys by the way) I’m home…..look at them (pointing to the guys) I’m home…I love it…you go to New York. Write me!!!!”

CFB: “Babe, we can’t climb. I can’t climb, I’m tired.”

ME: “But you didn’t do anything……ok…hold my legs..i’ll get them to pull us up”

CFB: “You could have at least wore matching socks Kel!!”

Shots were fired everywhere…..bullets whizzing pass my ears….I was scared. My heart in my throat…what if I died and then CFB falls!! But those buggers in the plane were strong…..we got pulled up in time….and lo and behold….my beautiful strong pilots were LMM and PP…..

The plane was filled with CFB’s family and my cousins… It was a normal SQ plane…..there were stewardess swerving lunch when we climbed our way in. Unfortunately…..LMM and PP seemed distracted. They were still looking down at the prison….

LMM: “You guys want to get out there….why??!!!!

PP: “Yeah!! Look at all the hot boys!!!!!!!”

LMM: “Oh my gad!!!!!! Marc is there!!!!!!!!!!! I’m getting outta here….”

PP: “CFB you take over….I’m getting some”

CFB & ME: !!!!!!!!

We became pilots….we flew the plane to Newark Airport…as we were flying off….. Suge/Cakes, my big Hawaiian mafia looking boy…yelled… “I’ll look after WAP”

I really really should stop watching TV before I sleep. Never ever drink half a bottle of syrup with cold tablets. Even in my dreams, I want to be some sort of stealthy agent….but I woke up laughing though…

I am green tea seaweed. And you are wafer biscuit. I move a step towards you, you move ten steps back. I move ten steps backwards. You decide to jump towards me. I’m not sure if I should stand and catch you or should I walk away and never look back.

I am green tea seaweed. And you are wafer biscuit.