Magical Tipsy Toes

The sounds in the room fills my mind. My time has come, yet again.

He speaks to me. Shouting loudly, his words sly and harsh. The rage so thick I can taste it. Rage against them. Rage against myself. Again and again he flashes red lightning bolts to remember. He wants to be unleashed. The locks on the cage no longer works. Desperately wanting to come out of hiding.

The silence gets louder. She sits hugging her knees to her chest, rocking herself back and forth. Her head hitting the wall. She ignores the bleeding pain as the noise swirls around her. Acceptance avoids her. She reaches out now and then but she whispers of dark hidden secrets that only I can hear.

It starts off slowly. It hits the head and rides thru the whole body. She screams wanting to leave. She screams demanding to see the stars. She pounds the walls over and over again to end it. To stop it all. To leave it all behind. She screams loudly. She yells out loud when I see them. She screams it’ll never be enough. She reminds me over and over again.

He waits. He waits for his opportunity. He waits till he hears the voice of reason. The voice of calm. He says give it back ten-fold. Because she, because they deserve it. Never step away form responsibility. Be all that you are. He sits on a rock. He waits for strength to come. He is smiling at me. He says hang on and it’ll be fine. Hang on and it’ll be ok. Not so tight. Just think.

She likes candy. She likes laughing. She sees the colours. She shows me the colours. She shines like the sun. She laughs at me. She giggles. She thinks of all naughty stuff. She says, throw caution into the wind. Heck about everything. Why worry so much she questions. Love. Love and that’s all you need. That what makes you strong. She keeps laughing. Lighting up with simple things in life. Smiling whenever….

She walks up and down. Pacing the zig zag lines. A maze, she yells. A fucking maze. Worried about this. Worried about that. Keep worrying. She reminds me about the cage. She tells me of story of walking away. She describes the pain of being hurt. She builds the wall. I help her. I want to break it down. But I just keep on building the fucking wall.

They like talking. Sometimes, most of the time they all like to talk at once. Sometimes its hard to hear the myself. When I want to say something. I’m not sure if I can hear myself anymore. They come and go as they please. Sometimes, they camp over. Wanting my attention. My fullest attention. Its near. I can feel it. The wave is upcoming. The boats have felt the pressure and sunk. Now its the heart that needs to be strong.

But what if it isn’t.

Went for a walk today. A walk to air the things in my head. It would be so much easier if I could just wring out brains then maybe the thoughts would fall into place accordingly.

And it makes sense. Or does it?

Because when I look, and I find…I know nothing else. Is that ok?