Magical Tipsy Toes

Dear Online Journal Blog Thing,

I know. I know…it’s been a while since I last updated. That’s because for a while the stories in my head and heart have reached a new low.

Friday was lovely. Thanksgiving with Best Buds. I’m thinking photos will be up soon on CFB’s. Provided those things she needs to receive get to her in time. heh. I’m sorry.

Saturday was Happy Feet day. I’ve decided that instead of making my shoes into tap shoes, I’m going to put thumbtacks and try to have some happy feet for myself. Hopefully, my grumpy knees don’t get jealous. I liked the impromptu teh session I had with Best Buds and Associates.

Sunday was a strange day. I felt out of place and out of sorts. I look at each one of them and I wonder how come I turned out this way. JB’s new place is fricking spiffy. I love it. Before I even walked into her house, I felt right all warm and fuzzy. Nice.

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Sometimes….just sometimes when all is quiet…

I wonder if I knit you a sweater, would you wear it even if I missed a knit knot.
I wonder if I cooked you a meal, would you eat it even if the meat was burnt and vegetables weren’t green anymore.
I wonder if I drove the car off the cliff, would you look at me and say “here we go, baby”
I wonder if I decided to have fun, would you shine like the sun.
I wonder if I wrote you a letter, would you read in between the lines.
I wonder if I made you feel better, would you see for what it is.
I wonder if I sang you a song, would you bob your head to the tune that’s not in tune.
I wonder if I made you pancakes, would you eat it in a bus.
I wonder if I gave you a pen, would you write your name on the cover.
I wonder if I said I’m done with it all, would you be angry if its done.

I wonder and I ponder in all its yonder.

With all the gonder,
Kelly

I’m sitting across her, watching her eat her pancakes. Cutting them into neat triangles, dipping them into the maple syrup as she talked about her day. I like listening to her. I smile to myself and I realize just how much she means to me, still. She looks different. At peace with herself. Whenever she smiles, her eyes smile too. Her laughter’s still the same…but yet there was something different about her.

I miss you. A little.

All the stories just start rolling out and I remember how I used to tell her almost every single thing. Even if it was something stupid, I felt the need to tell her. I knew why I stopped doing that. But somehow, I had forgotten when I met her.

You could say, a little too much.

She still makes me laugh. She still makes my head strangely calm. We spoke about the past. About our recent travels. The funnies that was constant in out lives. The new job she just got. The job that I left. The people in her life. The people in mine.

A little too often.

Remembering the plans we made. We thought they were unbreakable. Remembering how we thought we needed to keep searching…Remembering the mistakes we knew we were making. The chances we were waiting for. Just to move where we needed to move.

And a little more.

As we sat down and down and watched the world go by, laughing, enjoying the silence and just being like how it used be….she looked at me. And for that spilt second I thought she saw right through me. That’s when she told me.

Each day.

The date had been set. The venue booked. That’s when I realized why she looked different. She had a secret. A secret that made her glow and grin like a little girl. Like the girl I met a long time ago.

And so I drank my cup of coffee as she walked away, hand in hand. Laughing as she turned around, waving goodbye and giving one of her winks. “Soon…we’ll meet soon!” she called out. And for a while, I held on to that promise. Just for a little while, before letting it go.

Sometimes if you’re lucky, someone comes into your life who’ll take a place in your heart that no one else can fill. Sometimes if you’re lucky, you get to experience happiness, hurt and the feeling of forever. Sometimes if you’re lucky, you’ll see that there will be a time in your life where you lose control of the mind and heart….and love seeps in and takes over.

Sometimes if you’re lucky, you’ll know its enough.

Sit down for a cup or two with me…and I’ll tell you all the things that go on in my head.
Maybe then you’ll understand why I do the things I do.
Maybe then you’ll see why I see them in that certain way.
You were right…I was denying it.
Although you got to admit, I played the game pretty well.
I’m just beginning to lose my way, baby.