Magical Tipsy Toes

I have so many things I want to write but the words are all in box.

I could write about the stuff that goes on at work. About how the office summer party was pretty fun and my knees have died a horrible death. I could write about how I watched you dance and laugh and I was so tempted to kiss you right there and then.

I could write about my fear of heights. About how I get so scared because the thoughts of wanting to just free fall is so damn tempting.

I could write about best buds and the cousins. About how things came about and how my mind wanders away and thinking about it gets me all sad.

I could write about Angelboy and Jellybean. The nice dinner we had at Lau Pa Sat and the silly laughter. It was just really easy to fall into funny conversations of such and sorts.

I could write about Nita. How I’ve started to look at her photos…slowly…and my heart aches. But I know she’s happy wherever she is. I just wish my heart accepted the things the mind tries to deny.

I could write about the boy who stole my heart and climbed a mountain….only to be taken so far away from me that he will never come back to me.

I could write about the day of the hundred roaches and how they just seemed to be everywhere. I hate them so much I am now trying to invent machine to kill all the bastard roaches.

I could write about you. You, who makes my heart calm and yet at very same time you make it fuzzy. I could write about the time you stole my heart and kept it in your pocket. I could write just how much I’ve fallen.

I could write about how excited I am about Friday and how nervous I am too. About how cute you look when you try to give me silly hints.

I could write about how addictive Facebook is, it’s not funny. I think about it when I’m at work. I think about it when I’m eating..I think about it when I listen to music.

I could write about my dreams. If only in my dreams…..you and I will be living together right now. But alas…..dreams..

I could write the time Gail dreamt about my parents being robbers and they stole..not money but pots and pans so they can cook.

I could write about my need for a cigarette right now. There is one left in the pack. But Jellybean will find out and then we will have nothing tomorrow for work.

I could write about the bus to work that is amazingly cheap…and gets me to work on time even when I wake up late. It is now known as the magical work bus.

Boy….its tough when you don’t have stuff to write about.

“I wanted to find out why. It’s bloody gun in my mouth puzzling. I want to know why. Its not me you’re jumpy about. It’s your damn self. Why?”

I met the demon of thoughts today. He was sitting on a rock as I was making my way down to the river. And he said, “Hello…” I looked up and he whispered “There’s nothing you can do.”

I continued making my way down to the river. There I saw a box floating by…it was a strange looking box. A familar looking one too…As I was about to pick the box up, the demon of thoughts stood beside me and whispered “Not needed. Remember that”

The box had a dent. Just like the one I had thrown not so long ago. I looked right at the demon of thoughts and I knew he was right. I was just too afraid to admit. That’s why i threw the box away in the first place. The box with all sorts of things and a stapler.

With that in mind, I stepped away from the box of all things and a stapler. In the box it shall remain I thought. And for the first time in the longest time, a wave of sadness washed over me. A strange kind of sadness. The kind I thought I’d never get myself into after eight years. But standing there, I found myself losing control of all emotions.