mad life
Its being sick that makes you feel like fuck. Makes you think too much. Even in your sleep you can’t let it all go.
“Please don’t ask me
What i’m gonna say to you
I toss and turn
Can’t sleep at night
It’s worrying me, I go to bed”
I just don’t wanna get out of bed. But I have too. But I’m afraid of what will happen when I do.
“I know the truth awaits me
But still I hesitate
because of fear”
On the way to work today. I realized I couldn’t do it. I just couldn’t go in to work today. I felt scared. I’m not sure why…worried…things have changed. Things are different now…
“Show me the magic
I must’ve lost it somewhere
In My dreams, so far away
I turned around, everythings changing but me”
Maybe I just need to meet them. Then everything will be ok. All will be fine. This would all be just a nightmare..and I can forget everything. I miss them.
“If the land of make believe
Is inside your heart it will never leave
There’s a golden gate where the fairies all wait
And dancing moons, for you”
And I just had to go make that call…why did I go do that for?? It was the damn medicine..I swear…makes you all nuts and stoopid and confused…blast those fricking pills.
“How many times has this gone on?
Call ’cause it’s just been too long
Say it’s good to hear it’s going fine
Check that you’re still featured in my mind”
I need to stop…to stop thinking about all this and let it be…and yet…
“Staring at the wall because you know it understands
And boy you wonder about everything that could have been
It’s getting later all the time but you’re still wide awake
And boy you wonder, if you’ll ever sleep againâ€
Him = Hate, anger, Hate, sad, disgust, irritated
You = Miss, love, sad, want, need, hurt. A lot.
“See the pain and beauty all around
See it try so hard to take me down
Hold me up into the sun and watch me burn and watch me heal
How I Need someone to know that I feel faded today”
Babe….come what may, you have been so brave. These arses are nothing. They are nothing. They may take your money, your smile, your time, but they cannot get to your spirit. The one that wants to run free. They cannot see what you see, and for that, they cannot take it. Cos they are happy in their own lil cocoons, they are so close minded and hurtful. Feel sorry for them. Think of what you can do, what you will do, what we will do. Soon.
Hang in there, Sharkbait. You’re better than them.
I agree with JB, you are incredibly brave. You seem to be such a wonderful soul and have so much to offer. Nobody can take your joy if you don’t let them.
In comparison to you, I’m a total wimp. When things aren’t rosy for me, I can’t even force myself to blog. SO congrats for blogging about it. Now go and have a coffee on me!
Baby. I hope you had fun with me in civilazation last night. I hope I didn’t bring you down with me. But we had fun didn’t we. We had some ‘porridge’, we laughed, we people watched, we shot the fricking breeze.
Through all these trying times you’ve been through, know that some things are out of your control. That you have to let them run their course and just let them be. And when these things are out of your control, I’ll be there to help you walk a little bit further. Tomorrow will settle itself baby. Live for today. And know that you’re a joy to so many people. SO MANY. Your infectious spirit has touched our hearts. And now maybe it’s time to let us carry you a bit.
I love you.
Babe you have strength where you don’t see it… i truly believe that this will be a passing phase for you… I see you going on to achieve great things & then you don’t have to worry about what anybody else wants you to do, but what you need to do for yourself… Never stop believing in yourself, we will always be by your side (even if we go through difficult times, it will pass)
pp
Wow!! Thank you, JB, Abby, Chrys, CFB & PP…you guys are really sweet.
JB - *hugs* thats all I’m thinking about..less than 70days already. Can I pack my bag now?
love you little behti
AbbyNormal - I will Abby, I will…though I was wondering you still teaching karate? *grins*
Chrysalis - You’re not a wimp chrys..you’re the cool cigar guy..
trust me, I had a blog block too…and thanks for the coffee…bloody fantastic
CFB - of course I had fun with you..i always do..”tomorrow will settle itself”…I like that. Thanks for walking with me Lav…I might have been lost if not for you.
*hugs*
PP - You always know what to say Dawn. Making me see whats right in front of me…passing phase, i can only hope…but thanks babe. Achieve great things..basketball player? chef??
*hugs*