Fading. Sitting on the bed, she looks around. Closing her eyes, she tries to make sense of everything. She used to be able to push it all aside. She used to keep it all away. She wants to pretend that its not happening but she can’t. This time, she’s far too tired of pretending and the mask she’s always worn has been ripped apart. It used to be easy, to think of happy things. She was to dream of pink fluff and rainbows, of a garden with colorful flowers. She can’t find the fluff anymore. She wants to be someone else. The bedroom grows darker and her mind in constant chaos. She realizes she’s tired. Tired of pretending. Tired of lying that it was all ok. Because this time, she can’t handle it. She realizes that this time she can’t solve it. She can’t make it go away.
Her head is pounding now as she sits on her bed and tries to will herself away from everything..She doesn’t want all this anymore. She hates herself even more for feeling so lost. She tries to get herself together..She used to be able to handle it. She wants to handle it. But she can’t hold on anymore. She can’t. She’s scared now. She wants to forget everything. She can’t hold on anymore.
She shuts her eyes tighter to make it all go away..but its still there. All those thoughts she had kept away, now rushed back. Playing on her mind. Everyday. She wants to push it all back. Pretend it was never there..but this time its different. Harder. Much harder. She doesn’t know how control these emotions. Tired. She curls up in bed and wills herself to fade away. Her heart hurts more than ever. Her mind swirling all over. She remembers everything. Thoughts she so desperately tried to hide.
There is nothing she can do now. She’ll have to just keep pretending. There is no room for being tired. Everything else matters, just not her thoughts. The thoughts don’t matter anymore. She’ll just pretend it doesn’t.
As I stand at the crossroad,
I see the sun sinking low…
With my cross of indecision,
I can’t tell which way to go…
Now I have seen the seven wonders
And I have sailed the seven seas,
I’ve walked and talked with angels,
And danced all night with gypsy queens…
All in all it’s been a rocky road,
Twists and turns along the way…
But, I still pray for tomorrow,
All my hopes, my dreams
Don’t fade away… Don’t fade away…
I have painted many portraits,
Memories of love and pain,
Though cut down by life’s deceptions
I found the strength to start again…
Trying to make up her mind,
With the darkness closing in,
I feel I’m running out of time…
Shine a light for me,
Help me find the way to go,
And take me where I’ve never been before…
And so I stand at the crossroad,
Watching the sun sinking low…
With my cross of indecision,
Trying to find the way to go…
All in all it’s been a rocky road,
Twists and turns along the way,
But, I still pray for tomorrow
All my hopes, my dreams
Don’t fade away…
-WhiteSnake, Don’t Fade Away-
Posted by:sharkbait
This entry was posted on Saturday, June 4th, 2005 at 3:19 am and is filed under Miscellaneous.
You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.
You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
Hope you are ok. Whatever happens, know that you are loved and cared for. Always.
JB
thoughts can be a good thing and they can also be a bad thing… but try to find the intersection so that you will be able to sleep at night… if not know that no matter what we will be here to hear all that you have been thinking to help you sleep better at night - PP